Thoughts on a Tangled Thriller

Some thoughts on The Girl in the Spider's Web (2019)

Hey, folks, can I, for a second here, recommend a bad movie to you?

When you get down to it, The Girl in the Spider's Web isn't terrible. It is an incredibly watchable, middling action-thriller, somewhere in the ballpark of a Bourne Legacy or a SWAT* or even a Jack Reacher. Thoroughly inoffensive filler**. It is the kind of James Bond-esque alsorand that I am particularly vulnerable to. And, if you're like me, and intellectually warped in this specific way, then you could have a worse time than checking out the latest addition of the Millennium series.

First of all-- the good-- it's great looking. Pedro Luque does a great job of elevating the material and giving the film a distinct look and tone.He makes Stockholm exactly as hostile and foreign as it needs to be. It's a city of bright sodium lamps and midday haze. It's one of the better noir cities that I've seen in recent memory. It's one of the reasons that this movie is as watchable as it is. It doesn't feel like a B-tier reboot at any point, because just look at it.

The real mark against the movie is that it is profoundly stupid. It won't admit it. It won't revel in it.

But even that is part of the fun. It's ludicrous in the ways that all of Hitchcock's best works are (admittedly without the Hitchcock charm which, hey, even old Al couldn't pull off every time). This is a movie where Lisbeth is doped up by a Russian mobster and then, while apparently dying, she manages to stumble onto some unnamed prescription med, smashes a bunch of pills up and then does a fat bump on the bathroom floor and then instantly recovers and goes on a car chase (while still doped to the gills with high-grade Soviet poison in her veins).

And you have to make a choice-- Am I going to go along with this act of profound silliness or am I going to watch something more reasonable like, I don't know, Michael Clayton?

Good work. Like me you chose to stick with it. Also, now Lisbeth is framed for murder for some reason, how is she going to get out of this jam?

If you, like me, are a sucker for these sorts of movies, these little thrillers that could, then you could do a hell of a lot worse than The Girl in the Spider's Web.

FURTHER OBSERVATIONS:

* In a kinder, gentler world, Lisbeth Salander would exist as a kind of R-rated anti-James Bond-- a gay female action-hero that uses her wits, exploits men, and, instead of going to meet the world, the world comes to meet her. To put an even finer point on it, I'd rather see a semi-annual Millennium-series movie than another fucking Marvel movie.

* As with the American remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the guy playing the journalist (sorry, I don't remember his name) is way too good-looking to be a journalist. As much as I love Daniel Craig, he's a leading man. He's a tough guy. He is not a journalist. It's so very American to cast a handsome man as a journalist. I think that is one thing that the original Swedish films got right. In reality, a journalist character should less James Bond and more Jimmy Breslin.

* Where's Noomi Rapace? I miss her. Bring Noomi back, damnit! Also, I think I'm maybe thinking of the one chick from Head On/Game of Thrones instead of Noomi, so I'll maybe get back to you on this one. . .

* The more I think on it, the more I also realize that we don't need more stories about women who have abuse as an origin story. There isn't a terrible lot of that sort of thing on screen in this movie, fortunately. But, you can't make a Lisbeth Salander movie without grappling with the fact that The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is ostensibly a rape-revenge story.

* I'm 100% that's a Jin-Roh reference in the third act.

* Nice to see villains in a different kind of bondage gear for once. I mean, we all love gimp masks, but that's been played out since at last '92.

* I am a sucker for cathartic bon fires. Dunkirk did it. Blade Runner 2049 did it. Snatch kind of had one. It's a good image. Keep it up, movies!!

FOOTNOTES:
* Both are Jeremy Renner vehicles. Weird how those are the first two movies that came to mind.

** Filler-thriller-- is that a thing?

James Kislingbury is a writer, podcaster, and a one-time private investigator. You can listen to him here and here. You can shovel piles of lucre at him here and here.

Some Words About That New Jackie Chan Picture

A REVIEW ON THE FOREIGNER (2017)

This year has been a real whirlwind when it comes to delivering on trailers. On the one hand, there were pleasant surprises like Logan and It, as well as Blade Runner 2049, a movie that had no right being as excellent as it was considering the expectations behind it. On the other end of the spectrum, there were movies like Atomic Blonde and Alien: Covenant, both of which failed to deliver on my ever-so-finnicky expectations. Unfortunately The Foreigner falls into the latter half. It had a great trailer, a great director (Martin Campbell), and a solid cast. Despite that, the end result is a middling, dull in parts, and, most frustratingly, it does not deliver on the magic of its premise. 

I mean, how do you make a movie about Old Man Jackie Chan beating the fuck out of the Irish Republican Army? In what world does that fail to be the best movie ever made? Hell, if they handed the script off to another director and called for a do-over, I'd pay to see it all over again. 

The Foreigner is most interesting when it hints at the world of politics and the world of terrorism and law enforcement being a constant struggle of compromises. It presents the murky world of British governance and old Irish grudges as being two worlds, intertwined. With the IRA it presents a world where difficult ideals are easily undercut by radical purists and where even the finest of beliefs can be undone by expediency. On the other hand, you have the "Brits," who only care about results. And then you have Jackie Chan, who can build bombs. Which is nice. I kind of wish they made the movie about him.

That, ultimately, politics is a business of relationships, and without an underlying trust and affection, it does not matter what your end goals are. Nor do your tactics. In the world of The Foreigner, character is destiny. In all of this, Jackie Chan’s mourning father is the only man of pure purpose and of pure drive and, as such, he’s the only one who seems to walk out of the movie unscathed (of course, not literally, mind you). Of course, that’s the movie’s problem. That Jackie Chan beating up dumb paddies with a step ladder isn’t the main draw of the film. It's Irish internecine politics. The fact that I, James Kislingbury, do not care about a movie where in the complexities of modern Irish radical nationalism is on display is a problem.

And, frankly, it beggars belief to take the IRA seriously in any way, shape, or form in the year of our Lord 2017. Maybe it plays better in the UK and in Ireland, where these stories hit much closer to home. Maybe they even play better in China or in Asia where the IRA is just a series of letters. But who knows? 

The IRA always felt like a safe stand-in for more deadly international terror groups (and more controversial ones). Don't want to piss off the Palestinians or the Saudis? Throw the IRA in there. The Red Army Faction doesn't exist any more? Throw in the IRA. De Gaulle is out of office? Throw in the IRA. Get Sean Bean on the phone or some poor dead toe-rag from Game of Thrones and call it a casting session. I mean, whose feelings are we going to hurt? Plus, everybody knows who they are. Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.

Plus, how bad can the IRA be? They tried to blow up Margaret Thatcher. That's a noble endeavor. It’s arguably Alzheimer’s one saving grace.

Ultimately, The Foreigner seems to be caught between several different movies, each of which succeeds where this one fails. You have the staid, idealist Boy Scoutery of Patriot Games and its IRA villains. You have Campbell’s own Casino Royale, which is a perfect film on every level. Lastly, you have Old Jackie’s chef character reflected in Clint Eastwood’s Best Picture winner, Unforgiven. Then, lastly, there’s Edge of Darkness, a movie so close to Martin Campbell’s heart, that he made it twice, once as a mini-series in England and another as a feature in America (staring Ray Winstone and slightly pre-freak-out Mel Gibson). But the problem isn’t necessarily that this movie isn’t as good as those. The problem is that each of those movies is great because they succeeded in being unique and being good in a unique way.

The Foreigner isn’t bad enough to be depressing. If it looks like anything, it looks like itself. Its broken, grey shape is best reflected in its titular character, brilliantly played by Jackie Chan, as a broken down, hobbled old man who had one good thing hidden inside of him. The one difference is that Jackie Chan and his character actually came through.

James Kislingbury is a writer, a host, and, unfortunately, a protestant. You can listen to his news podcast. You can listen to his cult movie podcast. You can donate to both podcasts. But, seriously, don't try to blow up Margaret Thatcher, guys.

This is The Aesthetic

Good news-- They made another movie for me.



You're welcome.