The Mule You Know

Some Thoughts on The Mule (2018)

Art is a funny thing. I've seen a lot of good movies this past year-- both new and old. I've also seen some real clunkers. Some real shitty movies that just got my goat and really made me angry. The Mule, the latest film by famed film-maker and shitty boyfriend, Clint Eastwood, is neither of these things.

And yet, I can't stop thinking about it.

It's not good. It's not bad*. It's just inherently strange and that it isn't one thing or another is what is so exceptionally strange about it. That a man who felt so strongly about Barack Obama that he rambled at a chair in front of a live studio audience, at a time where the nation is run by a mentally-deficient sex-offending, con artist-- where the panic against Latinx people and refugees requires a big dumb wall and where children are being put in concentration camps and are dying-- you'd think that some sort of passion would be present. That there was something about this story that had to be told. That something, even something truly ugly, would slip out.

And it doesn't.

It goes on for two hours and then it just sort of ends.

It's a truly baffling picture, because at least I understand the impetus of Sully or American Sniper or, especially, Gran Torino. One would almost have to go out of their way not to cast their lots one way or the other when it comes to something as sensitive and as fraught with controversy as the border and the War on Drugs. And yet, no decision seems to be made at any point for any reason other than to make a picture.

And yes, what I'm saying is that I kind of wish that Eastwood had been a little more racist. That baring his blackened heart would have at least been art of some kind.

At 200 years old, you'd think that the only thing that could tempt Eastwood out of his crypt would be a story that he really needs to tell. One that really speaks to him. Presumably a story where he gets to say racial slurs for millions and millions of dollars. The Mule doesn't seem to be it. That the one bicentennarian on earth who doesn't have an opinion about Those People directs movies is actually more fascinating than the movie itself.

I was talking to Cruz, a friend of mine with whom I co-host A Quality Interruption, and I was explaining this movie to him, trying to make sense of it and how I felt about it and, really, I was just dropping the ball on it (as if you couldn't tell). I

He described to me a character from One-Hundred Years of Solitude**. The character is an old man who lived this full, long life-- adventure, war, romance, all that-- and now he was at the end of his life and all he did to fill his time was making aluminum fish. Once he's done making his little fish, he then melts it down and starts all over again. That seems to be what Clint Eastwood is doing. He's tinkering. He's making movies to stay busy. In its own way that's admirable. The hitch I'm having is why make this movie just to stay busy?

What is more than that-- how in all of the time of staying busy do you make a movie so listless and basic after nearly fifty years of directing your own movie?

Here are some highlights that before I go:

• This movie has Michael Pena in it. That's always a good sign. 
• Diane Wiest is in this? That's great!
• In this film, the titular mule (as played by Clint Eastwood) has not one, but two threesomes. People give Tom Cruise shit for always making sure that his romantic interest is hotter and younger that he can actually pull (lest we start wondering about things), but Eastwood is the master of this. He did the same shit twenty years ago with Blood Simple and here it's even stranger and sadder. Now, while, we all love a dirty old man, I have to wonder about the motives of Eastwood making sure that people know that grandpa can still fuck.
• In this movie Eastwood's character is a florist. I swear to god. It's literally the first scene.
• You would only have to change, like, three things, and this would just be an episode of The Simpsons where grandpa accidentally gets recruited by Los Zetas. And, actually, I'd kind of like to see that.
• Most of the movie is just an old man driving through the mid-west listening to Oldies. Honestly, if there was one actual reason a pre-Boomer lith made this movie, that might be it.

FOOTNOTE:
* We all thought abut completing that joke, but not all of us did it. Sometimes the best writing happens because of what you decide not to do.
** A book that I'm not even going to pretend that I've read.

James Kislingbury is a writer, podcaster, and bakery clerk. You can listen to him here and here. You can shovel piles of lucre at him here and here.

A Look Back on the Year That Never Should Have Been

Now that we're in 20Bladeteen*, I figured, it was time to look back on one of the shittiest years that ever was. A lot happened this year for me-- which is to say that I didn't die during it. That would have been too much of a relief.


I haven't been on this blog in a long, long while and I figured the start of a new year was a good opportunity to come back and do some light, pointless writing.

Here are some of the stand-out moments of 2018-- the good, the bad, and the fiduciary.

My Dad Almost Died
So, this one was pretty big and it was a nice little close to 2017-- a year that we all figured would be the one for the history books. Without getting too into it, my dad had a freak medical malady and it was quickly spotted and corrected. Recovery was relatively minimal and it all worked out about as well as could be-- other than him almost dying, I mean.

He's fine now, which is nice. What it has done is made me realize, in a concrete way, that the old man could drop dead at any moment. Good blood pressure or not, it doesn't take much to take him out. Or anybody out. It can just happen. You're at work or out of the house and they die off screen and don't ever come back.

A fine beginning to a dog shit year.

Destiny 2
Hey, here's something stupid-- I got back into Destiny 2. And, hey, I like Destiny 2. Sony put it up for free on Playstation Plus and I found myself diving back into it, because-- fuck, I don't know why. It's fun to just pop it in, fuck around, shoot some fools, and then close it back up. It's fun, it's simple, and the numbers keep going up. In short: It's a good video game.

The Criterion Sale

Easily one of the least effective and cost-prohibitive ways to explore and collect movies, the Criterion Sale is like the blooming of the cherry blossoms for film dickheads like me. This year I played it fairly cool (only buying, like, seven movies), two stand-out films that I picked up on a blind buy were Tampopo-- a "ramen western"-- and Dragon Inn, a Taiwanese martial arts film from 1968. Both are delights and wonderful little surprises for completely different reasons. Fine reminders of the magic of movies.

Depression
About August this year, I hit a fucking wall. I was dead broke and had no job prospects to speak of. When you're that deep in the dumps, it's hard to do much else but putz around the house-- which is tough when that was most of what I was doing last year anyways. I haven't been that depressed since maybe college and, I've got to be honest with you, I didn't miss it.

While I know that tying my self-worth with my financial worth isn't healthy, it's something I know about myself now and something that I can rather easily fix (to a point). Regardless of the causes, depression sucks. I wouldn't recommend it.

Re-emplyoment
After a nearly year-long drought of trying to find work that wasn't beneath my dignity, I finally came to terms with the fact that I had no dignity, and decided to get back into retail-- Plus, I was broke.

I am now gainfully employed inside of one of the nation's largest Hyper-Conglomerates, which is distinctly whatever. While my high school friends are out making documentaries or working for Google or literally flying the F-35, I'm moving trays and hoping that the union has good dental.

The Podcasts
This year my news podcast, World's a Mess, hit its 100th episode, and my film podcast, A Quality Interruption, is only two episodes away from hitting its 200th. Another milestone that is that we've started collecting over ten bucks a month on our Patreon. While maybe that doesn't sound like a lot (and it isn't), it's still cool to know that there are people who give enough shit about what we're doing to give us money. I also think that we're getting better and better as time goes on.

I also appeared on my friends' podcast You Might Be Into it talking about my favorite film franchise/cinematic universe: Alien. So, check all that out if you can.


Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion
I did it. I finally damn did it. Thanks to Videotheque in South Pasadena, I finally hunted down a copy of this film and, boy howdy, was it worth the wait. It's pretty much everything you want in a sleazy Japanese genre film-- violence, boobs, impressionist lighting, over-acting, kabuki, rape, and a theme song that you might be able to get away with at karaoke. It's a trash film, but it's the kind of well-made and ill-intentioned trash that somehow manages to be a work of art despite itself. It's great. If you want one of those, it is one of those.

The Book
I have been writing a book-- in fact, I've been writing a lot in general, which is awesome. It's one of the reasons that I haven't been on here recently (and, again, I have two podcasts for that sort of a thing). It's big, it's kind of overwhelming, it's dragging on longer than I had thought, and, this time, it might actually be good? It's exciting.

2018 was not a fallow year for me creatively. Now, all I have to do is figure out a way to make some money off of this shit. . . 

Blades in the Dark
2018 marks the year that I started role-playing. After a decade and a half of dabbling with board games and table top games and flipping through D&D manuals, I finally took the leap-- Meaning that one of my friends invited me to the table.

And it was fun. It was nice to play some games and it was nice to get out of the house and talk to people like a human being (even if you're plotting imaginary murder with them).

We mostly played Blades in the Dark, which I think is my favorite of the lot. I like the world and I like the systems and I like that it's all based around failure and dealing with failure. It's a lot of fun. With the group I play with, just about every session turns into a Coen Brothers movie. I would recommend it.

Also, while on Tinder, I matched with local comedian. She asked me what I was doing on Saturday and I told her that I was going out role-playing. When she pressed me on what kind of wild fun I was getting into, I clarified that I was talking about the dice-centric kind of role-playing.

She immediately unmatched me. I don't blame her.

My Top Ten Films of the Year
Hey, here's me self-promoting once again. Here's a link to the episode of A Quality Interruption where I talk about the best new movies I saw last year.

The Pervert
While this year was a rather good year for comics (they always are), one that stood out is The Pervert from Michelle Perez and Remy Boydell. I've talked about it before, but it's really a book that's worth talking about more than once (plus it was on one of my podcasts and, according to the numbers, the odds are good you weren't listening). The Pervert is a semi-autobiographical story about a tranwoman trying to survive in Michigan (and get out of there) and their day to day life. It's got a lot of sex and as grim and depressing might be, it's also a deeply funny and human book. Pick it up-- especially if it sounds like it's out of your comfort zone.

Blood Meridan, or the Evening Redness in the West**
I read Blood Meridian for the third time. As it turns out, that book is still really good.

***

I don't know. There's probably a lot of other crap that happened to me. Either I forgot it during the marathon-length death march that was 2018 or I just don't want to share it. Maybe both. Either way, I'm glad it's out of the way. Not that starting a new calendar is actually a thing, but it's an excuse to move on, to try to become a new, better person. And that's what I'm going to do.

In this year of our Blade Runner, 2019, I'm going to try to be the best James Kislngbury that I can be. Or, I'll just fuck it up and wreck a bunch of shit and in that case, I'd still technically be correct.

FOOTNOTES:
*Lot of people out there saying "TwentyBiTeen," which is cool and all, but I don't feel like I can get away with that one, right? 

**It probably won't come as a shock that I own three copies of this book for some reason.

James Kislingbury is a writer, podcaster, and bakery clerk. You can listen to him here and here. You can shovel piles of lucre at him here and here.

What the. . .

I rented Assassination Nation (more on that in the future) and this was one of the trailers attached to the film.




I found it incredibly striking, so I had to find out what it was about. So, I checked out its Wikipedia page.

This movie, uh, goes some places. And now I have to see it. I mean, I read the entirety of the plot and I still have to see it just to find out if any of that is real. Because, man, what a wild fucking thing.