*I heard a lot of good things about this. I love Patton Oswalt. I love Charlize Theron. I like Diablo Cody quite a bit. This should be fun.
*Oh no, I'm fucked.
*Shit. I think I dated this chick. No, wait. I know I dated this chick.
*I can't help but feel that if anybody besides a woman wrote Juno it wouldn't get the same amount of hate. No, wait, fuck that. I know if a man wrote that movie people wouldn't care about Juno being too clever.
*This movie is really good at making my feelings hurt. I haven't paused something so much since I watched the original version of The Office.
*Guide me Christopher Hitchens. Thy will be done. . . what's that? You want me to drink more? Alright, you're the not-a-ghost!
*Oh, I see it-- This whole movie is a young adult novel itself! Except that in all of this post-modernism it has replaced being a disposable piece of art with imbuing in you the need to accept death.
*I think Diablo Cody understands that Nightmare on Elm Street is bullshit. The real nightmare is going back to high school. I seriously have that nightmare.
*Oh God, please, Young Adults, I'm sorry for renting you! I'll never do it again! Just please stop! I'll go to Church! I'll stop drinking! Please just make it stop!
*Oh Jesus. I just. . . I called a lot of things in this movie and I. . . oh God. She's got a reason for all of this. Fuuuuuuuuck.
*Best garage door reveal to a different world in all of cinema. Put that one in your book, academics.
*It's not over! No! You can't. . . You can't do this!
*I never thought the scene in Metal Gear Solid where Solid Snake is whooping the shit out of the Cyborg Ninja and the Cyborg Ninja screams "Hurt me more!" would have a legitimate equivalent in a film, but I found it. It's this movie. It gets it.
*Oh, the sister is in love. Right? Stop hurting things in me, movie! Stop finding new organs to poke needles into!
*I like that the quirk in Oswalt's character is an actual thing that actual people like him do instead of the normal rom-com bullshit where someone is, like, a dog therapist or a cheese salesman or a lawyer or whatever.
*Wait. . . is this is ultimate treatise on modern America? It just might be. That might explain a lot.
*I never have wanted a boner looking at Charlize Theron less than I have right now.
*I . . . What did I learn here? I need to talk to my friend who is into S&M. He must know what this feeling is like.
*I just want to feel clean again.